i'm sitting here, waving my white flag, asking myself the above question, "when does misery trump happiness"?
i am miserable. plain and simple. i'm not happy. i'm tired and down right exhausted all the time. i lack little motivation and that makes me downright frustrated. i'm restricted to the foods i can eat, which are incredibly limited and i feel like i can't have any fun. no hard ciders at the turn when i play golf. no random trips for lunch on the lake. my workouts are suffering because i can't properly fuel. it's hard to plan social activities with friends or family, because quite frankly, they all involve food and i'm a total buzz kill in that department right now.
overall, i don't think the quality of my life has improved. i think it has declined since i started this immuno calm/LEAP diet. not to mention the major set back i felt i had last night when i ate a variation of a food that was supposed to be "safe" and it caused the worst GI distress i've had in a long time.
and i'm ready to be done. but at the same time, i'm completely conflicted. part of me feels that if i stop, it means i'm a quitter. i don't want to be a quitter. that's not who i am or who i want to be. part of me feels like i have something to prove to myself by completing this entire diet. i have to prove that i can be disciplined enough to finish. and then there's a small part of me that wonders if things really will improve if i just give this diet enough time.
which part wins out? is the only reason i'm not stopping because of my stubbornness? is it worth putting up with this diet for who knows how long just to see if things improve? meanwhile, being miserable and unhappy and not enjoying the short sweet summer time? i already know this diet isn't sustainable for the long term. there's no way i could do this forever. so why keep putting myself through misery?
at this point, i don't know which is more important; happiness at the chance that yes, i will feel icky once in awhile by expanding the scope of foods i eat and not having a 100% accurate log of what i react to and what i don't? or, weeks of misery (on a diet of food that is so sad and bland that it makes me not want to eat) at the chance that maybe things will get better but will have to live on a limited food lifestyle for the rest of forever?
i know this is a little dramatic, but i'm tossing and turning in my brain over here and not sure what to do. anyone have thoughts out there? what would you do?