its 5 in the morning and i can't sleep, so what better time to reflect on a little epiphany i had this week?
i have been in a pretty deep rut since the detroit women's half and first injury onset. the rut only got deeper after the key west half marathon when the injury didn't get better and neither did my race performance. ever since then i've been in what i'm calling a "health depression." i've gained a little weight, my nutrition has gone a little to the careless side and i lack motivation to do anything about it. it's like i'm literally rejecting everything else i could do to stay active and cross train before i'm able to run again. as if boycotting working out and eating well is somehow going to help the situation (and that makes just about as much sense to me as me being awake at 5am does).
so i whined about being in a rut to my friend susan and then again to my boyfriend as i was dragging my feet before my strength training session. and then something happened.
me: i'm in a rut. i'm so unmotivated and i just don't want to do anything blah blah blah.
boyfriend: well you're not going to get out of a rut by doing nothing. you have to actually pull yourself out.
me: *light bulb goes on* you know that actually makes a lot of sense. why didn't i think of that? you actually have to do something about it.
boyfriend: are you being sarcastic?
i really wasn't being sarcastic. his answer was so simple and it had never occured to me before. in truth, i was waiting for some instant *snap* to happen in my head where all of a sudden i would be motivated again. wouldn't instant motivation be awesome? but it doesn't work like that. and i should know this from all the times i've wished to instantly lose weight, or wished to instantly have some talent or to instantly be able to avoid the second mini candy bar. only i can get myself to do the things i must do. there is no switch i can flick or a button i can push. the only way out of a rut is for me to drag myself out.
so i put on my workout clothes and i went to my strength session.
and you know what? it was hard. it sucked. but i felt better. i felt almost a sense of relief that i could actually do something positive towards getting myself out of a funky rut.
as with most things that need to be earned, the first step is always the hardest, but its the only way to get where i want to be.
how do you pull yourself out of a rut? do you wait until a magic switch makes everything better? or do you do something about it and drag yourself out?