Monday, December 31, 2012

why 2012?

something i’ve been thinking about over the year is why 2012? why was 2012 the year that i actually made progress with my weight loss goals, with starting to detach myself from an eating disorder and body dysmorphic disorder. why was 2012 the year?

and i don’t know that i have a precise answer.

i can only explain it in the cliche phrase, “everything happens in it’s own time.” i never wanted to accept this idea of “in its own time”. as one of the most impatient people i know, i want everything and i want it now (right meow!). and i especially wanted any efforts i made dieting and exercising to make me look just the way i wanted in only a few short days.

but that doesn’t work and it never happens. and at some point you just have to accept that something that is worth so much can’t be done in such a short amount of time. it took me a long time to get into the acceptance phase and sometimes i still have a hard time pushing away the latest “juice cleanse” or “weight loss cleanse” that promises massive pounds shed in just two short weeks.

i think we all reach a point where something just clicks inside of us. all of a sudden, all the reasons the calorie counting or gym memberships didn’t work before just works. and it’s not because they wouldn’t work before. it’s because we finally commit to truly making them work. it’s a point where something inside of us decides to take a stand against the person who has been holding us back. it’s a point where we make a subconscious and conscious decision to move forward.

i think the true turning point for me was after my family trip to costa rica this past spring. i spent a wonderful 7 days at a holistic retreat eating nothing but organic, local foods. i had no dairy, very little carbs/wheat. i was active all day, nearly every day. and i felt incredible. the best i have felt in years.

here i am, learning the meaning of "pura vida" in costa rica

when i got home from vacation i realized i had two choices. i could either go back to my good ole american habits and diet (a diet that was making me feel physically and mentally sick) or i could make the decision and commitment to myself to reshape my life (and reinvent myself) the minute i stepped on american soil.

i chose myself. i chose to move forward.

from that moment on, everything just clicked. that isn’t to say it hasn’t been hard. because it has been hard. weight loss the healthy way is tough. but it is sustainable, it gives you the best chance for losing the pounds long term and it teaches a foundation for adapting and sticking to healthy habits. i have forced myself into food logging consistency to lose every pound of the 16 pounds that i've lost this year. i have pushed myself to move more each day to earn every percent body fat lost (4.9% this year). and i have pushed myself harder and harder each day to get back to doing the one thing that makes me feel strong and free: running.

the whole point of my blog has been to document and share what i’ve been doing to navigate through and figure out what healthy habits are and how they will make my life better for the long haul. i’m proud that i’ve stayed true to who i am and have been authentic in everything i’ve written.

that being said, it is with genuine and heartfelt honesty that i say that this post and message goes out to everyone out there who has ever felt like nothing will ever work for them no matter how hard they try. for those who feel like they’re doomed to be a “fatty” for the rest of their lives. for those who feel like their lack of reaching their ideal state of being makes them a failure and worthless.

i have been there, sometimes i’m still there, but i can tell you that none of that is true.

you can change your life and make it what you want. when you recognize your moment, your turning point, don’t ignore it. seize it, say goodbye to the old you that was dragging you down, and move forward. you are worth every effort you put in and you are worth making the commitment to change.

committing to myself is the best thing i’ve ever done for me, and i’m confident it will be just as impactful for you, too.

me and my baby girl moose, on christmas

here’s to welcoming 2013 in as another year for positive change, progress and happiness.

all the best,



  1. I love when you say "i chose myself. i chose to move forward." I think 2012 was an awesome eye opener to what I need to do for myself, and I saw progress that I didn't know was possible. So even with the backwards falling, I know I can move forward and make 2013 my year. I'm so glad I've had you as a support system during this as well, you've been so motivating and inspiring this year!

    PS - I had no idea moose was a girl, I think I assumed boy?! lol

    1. So proud of all you've done! You've been such a great motivator and friend throughout the year, 2013 will be just awesome for you, I know it!

      And yes, Moose is a girl. Most people think she's a boy b/c the name isn't very feminine and she doesn't look like a girl dog. She's very much a tom-boy :)

  2. Happy new year, cheers to 2013 for ya! :)

  3. Beautiful post from a beautiful girl. I am looking forward to reading about your progress in 2013, my new friend!

    1. Thank you for the very sweet compliment. I'm looking forward to what 2013 has ahead, and following your journey as well. Life is much better with friends in different places :)

  4. Well said! Saying goodbye to old me that was dragging me down! 2013 is go to be amazing!


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