you know how i didn't weight myself before starting on weight watchers? well, i just guessed at what weight i was at that point, and i went with my normal weight that i tend to teeter around for safe keeping (this is the number i always reluctantly seem to see whenever i am at the doctor). the number is 165, for your reference (and my hesitation in posting, but i'm just biting the bullet here and getting it over with). well, that method turned out to be a mistake, and here's why:
i got my beautiful fitbit aria on friday and just like i do at christmas time, i tore open the box immediately.
|isn't the box pretty? even against my ugly carpet.|
after setting the scale up, i took off my shoes and hopped on. i was flabbergasted to see the scale read 157 pounds. so naturally, i weighed myself another 5 times to make sure the scale wasn't flawed, and lo-and-behold, the number was consistent. i was under my perceived "normal" weight!
immediately after weighing myself, i got an email from fitbit congratulating me on my 5 pound loss. i was excited, but at the same time, i didn't really feel i earned it. i'm just starting out after all! but keeping in my my plan of action (see wednesday's post), i wasn't taking this number as my baseline. for consistency purposes, i plan on weighing myself first thing in the morning, so saturday's weigh-in was going to be the official number to input into weight watchers.
saturday morning arrived. i stripped off my clothes and stood awkwardly on my scale in my birthday suit, wondering what the led screen would say. you better believe my surprise when the scale read "153.4". my jaw dropped, and again i did the "weigh myself 5 more times to make sure this is real dance", and sure enough, the number stayed consistent. i knew i could attribute the smaller number to the lack of clothes, but i was surprised that my clothes attributed 4 pounds of weight (no wonder i get so depressed when i weigh myself at the doctor. maybe i should ask for a private nude weigh-in next time). i'm not sure how much weighing myself in the morning had to do with the fluctuating numbers, but i am pretty sure most of the loss has to do with clothing (or lack there of).
again, fitbit sent me an email, this time congratulating me on my 10 pound weight loss (and my lowest weight ever).
this was a bittersweet moment. i know i should have been screaming from the rooftops, jumping for joy... but instead, i felt frustrated and defeated. assuming i was at 160-165 pounds before, i thought for sure, getting close to 150, i would look and feel better. i thought it would be noticeable that i'd lost weight. i thought i'd feel like i had (most importantly, sometimes). but instead, i felt like i always have; heavy, fatty, gross and in dire need to rid my body of the excess flub that made me so sad inside.
what also frustrated me was the fact i was starting my journey out at a lower weight. its pretty standard that the more you weigh above your ideal weight, the easier it is to lose those first 5-10 or whatever pounds. but when you start at a lower point for your body, it gets harder and harder to lose weight. so now, i am faced with a harder challenge in the very beginning of my journey, rather than feeling a good amount of success early on.
i shouldn't be whining and complaining about this. i should be happy that i'm taking better care of myself and have lost weight over the past few months. and i'm trying, truly i am. but it seems now i am facing an even more uphill battle than i thought i would be in the beginning. c'est la vie, i suppose. this is all about making small changes for a lifetime of good health, right? so i need to look at this as a chance to experience and work through challenges that i will be working through my whole life, not just the first 10 pounds or so of weight that will naturally come off as activity increases.
here's to an even more challenging start than i anticipated,